Archive for Self Improvement Center
May 3, 2008 at 1:37 am · Filed under Self Improvement Center
It’s been months since your breakup but you’re still stuck in
bed grieving over your lost love. You couldn’t eat (or stop
eating), sleep or work because he’s all you could ever think of.
You keep repeating your heartbreak mantra, “Why did he leave
me…what did I do?” as you succumb to a series of hysterical
crying fits. You’re officially a victim of a broken heart.
So how do you smart from a brush-off? Here are some tips to help
you survive heartbreak hell.
1. Lose it
Moan. Sob. Let it all hang out. Rid yourself of all-consuming
anger and vent every ounce of vitriol in your system. Allow
yourself a good wallow. Take a pillow and pretend it was him and
do everything with it the way you’d want to get back at him.
Throw all his letters and photos away. Call your friends and
tell them your heartaches for the 20th time. Grieve your heart
out on a guy who was no better than a rotten carcass.
2. Accept what you can’t change
So, it’s over. This may be hard to swallow but the reality is
it’s all over and there’s nothing you can do about it. You are
left without a choice but to believe and accept it. Remember,
acceptance is the key to healing.
3. Work It Out Put your positive attitude at work and head to
the gym for some 30-minute work out a day. Exercise won’t only
sweep the mopey mood away but it will also make you feel and
look good as it helps pump out endorphins, the body’s natural
chemicals that make you feel strong and oozing with sex appeal.
4. Aromatherapy for the heart
Aromatherapy is believed to lift depression and soothe irritable
nerves. If you haven’t tried it, you should try it now as it
works wonders not just to your body but also to your mind and
spirit. Here’s a quick recipe: Fill a 10-ounce bottle of organic
vegetable oil with 9 drops of lavender oil, 15 drops of
sandalwood oil, 4 drops of rose essential oil and 10 drops of
warm water. Dispense 10 drops of the mixture to a warm bath and
you’re ready to soak!
5. Put a front if necessary
You may still be experiencing emotional turmoil inside but if
you stay confined within the four walls of your room chances are
you’ll feel even more miserable. Get out and show the world that
you’re not an emotional wreck. Crack a smile and flash those
pearly whites. At first, you may find it awkward putting on a
face but soon enough you’d become so good at it you’d be doing
it for real, without even noticing it yourself.
6. Adopt a pet
Need some lovin’? Get a pet. Pets aren’t only cuddly and
affectionate but are also a good diversion of your time and
focus. Sure you crave human affection but unlike humans, your
pet can’t talk so the chances of getting yourself hurt are slim,
at least not emotionally.
7. Close the door
Don’t be a fool for love. If he keeps calling you to ask for
another chance or to tell you that he has someone new but wants
to stay as friends, don’t bite. You won’t only be allowing
yourself to fall in love with him again but you’re also making
yourself believe subconsciously that there’s something left in
him for you when the truth is, there’s none. False hopes mean
nothing but emotional boo-boos.
8. Get busy
Discover things you love to do that you weren’t able to explore
because he didn’t approve of them when you were still together.
Schedule night-outs with friends and engage in activities you
haven’t done before. With so many things to occupy your mind,
you’d be so busy to even think about your heartbreak.
9. Move on
An end of a relationship doesn’t mean an end of you. You don’t
need a man to make you feel like a real woman. If he can’t see
what’s beautiful and special about you, what kind of man is he?
Not someone worth your time, it’s clear. Not someone who
deserves you either.
Breakups can be very painful and tormenting. Sometimes, it even
makes us feel like dying. Funny how we feel so hedonistically
wonderful when we are in love then end up feeling gruesomely
dreadful after a breakup. Nevertheless, it’s a risk that we all
have to take. While there’s promise in loving, there are no
guarantees. So live and love. Get hurt and love again. After
all, there’s no joy without pain and no bliss without hell.
© 2005 Rachelle Arlin Credo. All rights reserved.
April 16, 2008 at 1:46 pm · Filed under Self Improvement Center
My family and I decided to go to Seattle, WA in August of 2005 for a business trip and to visit my wife’s parents. We arrived around 11:00 PM and the shuttle bus from the car rental company finally picked us up at 11:30 PM. By the time, we arrived at the rental car company, there were only 2 vehicles left at 12:00 AM. So we waited for another 30 minutes.
We were tired and I tried my best to smile at 12:00 AM in the morning. After waiting in line for a long time, the lady who worked there finally told us “Sir, we ran out of car, but since you have been very kind, polite and patience with us, you can choose either to drive a 15 passengers van or a sport convertible car with no extra charge” I laughed and said “Of course, I want to the sport convertible car, we don’t need 15 passengers van since there are only 4 of us.” The mechanic even escorted us to the car, to make sure we were ok and showed us how the car worked. We finally went into our hotel room around 1:00 AM.
Sometimes, things in our life get out of hand, I could have screamed and yelled at the people who worked for the rental car company because they didn’t have enough cars that night, but I remember what my mentor Bob Burg said to me, “Be Polite, be patient, and be persistent,” because it will pay off.
The reward of being polite, patient and persistent is our internal joy and happiness. We will accomplish so many things in our life when we are polite to other people, patient, and persistent. So remember to be polite, patient, and persistent to other people. Don’t forget to smile.
On the way home from Seattle, WA to Los Angeles, CA, when the airplane touched down on the runway, the pilot spotted another airplane on the runway coming toward us, so he pulled the airplane up again off the ground, flew over the other airplane, and the pilot told us on the radio “Ladies and Gentlemen, as you noticed, that we didn’t land, we had to pull up because there was another airplane coming toward us.”
The newly wed couple who was going to Cancun, Mexico and sitting behind me tapped me on the shoulder and asked me “What happened and what does it mean?” I told them “It means that you two are going to have a great honeymoon time in Cancun and have a happy marriage, since our airplane didn’t crash into the other airplane.” A little girl who was sitting next to me with her mother shouted “We are going to Disneyland!” and we laughed.
The pilots made another attempt to land the airplane once again and finally we landed safely on the ground. It was a quite experience; in fact, CNN aired the story the following week about the incident.
It made me wonder, why some airplanes made it, and some didn’t make it. Also it made me wonder why some of us are still alive today and some of us didn’t survive yesterday.
I promised to myself as I walked out of the airplane to never again to take the gift of life for granted. My wife, 4 year old daughter and I could have died and perished right there on the LAX runway if the pilots didn’t respond fast enough to pull the airplane up.
Have you ever wondered why you are still here today? Why are you still here while other people die yesterday? Think about it for a moment. We only have one life, one chance to make a difference, what are we going to do with our life?
You and I have one chance to live, to make a difference, and I believe with all my heart that you are created with a special purpose and there is a greatness in you that is waiting to be discovered! No body in this world had the right to tell you that you are no body, because you and I were created in God’s own image!
If you ever wake up in the morning and find yourself feeling hopeless, remember that today is your day! Yes, today is your day that the Lord has made and you will rejoice and be glad in it! So stand up my brother and sister, smile, and breathe the fresh air.
You are special, you are somebody, you are unique and you have a special purpose in your life! Never ever take the gift of life for granted, especially when you are still healthy, many people are in the hospital today with tubes and life supporting machines hooked into their body. While you are still standing strong and healthy, go out there and make a positive difference out there in your your, family life, in your community and in other people’s life.
Live with your life with dream, goals and purpose, so you no longer have the time to feel pity for yourself, so you can live your life without fear, so you can live your life to the fullest, knowing that the Lord your God created with a special purpose for God is the dream giver who provides us with the gift of life!
Before the day we breathe our last breath and die! All of us, you and I will have to finish the mission and purpose that God has anointed in our life!
Each one of us is gifted with special skills, talents and abilities, so use thoe gifts, talents and skills to complete your purpose in this life, so one day you can say “I don’t fear my death for I have fought the good fight and I finished it well”
In Psalm 23:4 King David said “Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.”
We will fear no evil because the Lord your God is with you always! If you feel down, depressed and discouraged, I encouraged you right now to stand up while you read this article and pray this prayer over and over again “I am somebody, I am special, I am created by God for His great purpose, I will no fear no evil, challenges and trials in life, for I can do all things through God who created and gives me strength, courage and wisdom to live my life today!”
I love each one of you very much and I believe that things with change for the better, all the tears will be wiped away with God will replace it with joy! I believe with all my heart that you are special and no one has the right to tell you that you are no body, because you are created by God with special gifts, talents, and skills to do His will in your life today and He has planted greatness within you. So stand up my brothers and sisters, this is your day, this is your day to make a difference, you will fight the challenges of life, for the battle belongs to the Lord, this is your day that the Lord your God has made for you, rejoice, shout for joy and praise Him!” May the Lord richly bless you! God bless!
© Copyright 2006 Pebden.com, Author: Entjik Jeffrie, CEO of Pebden.com All Rights Reserved.
April 11, 2008 at 4:55 am · Filed under Self Improvement Center
Does the expression “single and happy” sound like an oxymoron to you? Are you weary of others (especially other singles) reinforcing the belief that singles cannot be happy? Do you find yourself always planning for the future or putting things off until you “are married and settled? Do you often have a sense that the intense feelings of happiness and joy cannot really be experienced unless you “have someone to share it with?” Do you just feel there is not enough time and other necessary resources available to the single person to pursue experiences that can bring true happiness?
If the above resonates in your gut, do not despair. The following tips will offer ways to help you experience your present reality differently through changing behavior that is based on those negative (false) beliefs. Essentially, these tips will offer advice on how to live a joyful, fulfilling and balanced single life, which will also assist you in achieving a healthy, long- term, intimate relationship.
Seek self-fulfillment as an individual.
Place emphasis on being truly alive and experiencing the things that bring you true pleasure. Do not let the feelings of peace and wonder slip from your life as you wait to share (beautiful sunsets) and other gifts of life with a future partner.
Do not place your focus on “getting there.” Instead, learn to experience the journey of life. If you can only see the goal of a relationship - marriage, home, children, etc., you will not enjoy the experiences along life’s way.
A good analogy for this is that of a person who bikes and sets (ie), a 40-mile goal for the day. They plan and prepare and off they go. The trip consists of thoughts about getting there, watching for problems in the road ahead, measuring the distance and looking forward to the sense of relief and accomplishment when the goal is met.
What about the sensory experiences missed along the way? This biker will not see the way the sun is reflecting on the river. They will not hear the sounds of the birds and other wildlife in the parallel world around them. The smells of fresh vegetation, moist soil and spring-drenched air will not reach their awareness. It is doubtful their mind will trip and play with thoughts of other (perhaps childhood) days like this.
In other words, they will not be IN the experience, just racing through it, and missing the magic available all around them.
Do not put off important life decisions while waiting for that special someone.
If your desire is to own your own home, work towards achieving this now. Yes, it may be smaller than if you had a partner to share it with. Your list of must-haves with this first home may be different (as yours alone) than they would be if you were looking for a family. When that time comes, you can make the decision to remain there for a time, or sell/rent out your first place. In the meantime, you will have an investment that you can make into something that meets your needs now for comfortable and secure living. It will add stability and be a wonderful help at tax time.
If you are thinking about making a career change or going back to school for a degree, there is no better time than now.
Yes, this may involve re-working priorities, moving, giving up some income, etc. If this is something you have decided you want for your life, delaying it until you are settled in a relationship may make it impossible to achieve. Make that move now. Do not let this time in your life be placed on hold as you wait for things to happen in your life, instead of working to make them become reality.
Pamper yourself
Do nice things for yourself now that you have been putting off until…
Go ahead and take that trip to the exotic place you have always wanted to visit. You can return there someday with your special someone.
Make it a habit to set the table for your dinner (for one). Use nice china and candles. Treat yourself as deserving of the things couples routinely provide to themselves as a unit. Ask yourself, am I less deserving because I am single?
Put care and love into how you decorate your home. It does not have to cost a lot of money or become another chore to accomplish this. Make it a comfortable nest and retreat from the world. You and your future mate can decide together what to keep, change or add to.
* Make a plan, not excuses
Make time for the things that matter. Do not let your job or other responsibilities take over your life. Set those priorities. Set limits on work and other functional tasks. We often cite work as our best excuse for not attending to our other needs and wants.
This may mean making less money or not moving up as fast in the organization.
Without balance, there will be deficits in the emotional, spiritual, and social and leisure areas of your life.
Write down your must haves.
Take time out each day for unwinding and relaxation.
Keep a weekly inventory of how you are doing and make adjustments as necessary.
Learn how to productively “waste time”. Turn off the blackberry and TV. Spend time alone with your thoughts. Reflect on your feelings and your life.
This is the season for new beginnings. Let this spring be your time for learning how to be truly happy and at peace within yourself. Immerse your senses in the many joys that the world around you has to offer. Don’t shut out the beauty and happiness that is available to everyone, regardless of their relationship status.
Toni Coleman, MSW is a licensed psychotherapist, relationship coach and founder of http://www.consum-mate.com. As a recognized expert, Toni has been quoted in many local and national publications including: The Chicago Tribune, The Orlando Sentinel, New York Daily News, Indianapolis Star and Newsweek newspapers and Family Circle, Woman’s Day, Cosmo Style, Tango, Men’s Health, Star (regularly quoted body language expert), and Nirvana magazines. She has been featured on abcnews.com; discovery.health.com; aolnews.com; MSN.com, Match.com and planetearthradio.com. Toni offers dating help and relationship advice as the weekly love and dating coach on the KTRS Radio Morning Show (St. Louis, MO) and through her syndicated column, “Dear Dating Coach.”
Her newsletter, The Art Of Intimacy, helps over fifty-five hundred subscribers with its dating and relationship advice. Toni is a member of The International Coach Federation, The International Association Of Coaches and The National Association of Social Workers.
April 10, 2008 at 2:03 am · Filed under Self Improvement Center
Experiencing strong emotions is not uncommon. What is uncommon is applying these emotions to motivate you to change and grow.
Having said that, here are five emotional states that can change your life, if you act on them:
commitment, desire, disgust, decision and focus.
Commitment
If you are committed there is always a way, and usually more than one way. The key phrase here is if you are committed. Commitment to a relationship, exercise, career or achieving goals means that no matter what, I’m sticking to it, I’m seeing this through.
One of the nice things is that when you are committed to something, you seem to find yourself involved with other committed people.
The late singer-songwriter Harry Chapin said “Whether it’s to a cause, a relationship or something else, when you hang out with people who are committed, you hang out with the folks with the live hearts, the live minds, the live eyes.”
Applied to marriage, this notion of commitment is much more than just being committed to avoiding divorce. It’s the commitment that you will do everything in your power to make the relationship a great place to be.
Desire
“How bad do you want to beat Edgewater?” my high school football coach screamed in my face when he caught me going a little too easy one day in practice. That one has stayed with me because he was right: The amount of desire I had that day was showing up in the actions I chose to take.
Desire is reflected in your actions. Desire with little or no action is not worth much. So ask yourself frequently, “How much do I want this?”
Disgust
Disgust is not typically an emotion associated with positive change. Or is it?
Have you ever been disgusted with a situation, a relationship or yourself?
Most of us have, of course. But have you ever been so disgusted that you were motivated to change no matter what? Being sick and tired of being sick and tired with something can be a fantastic motivator for change when you decide “no more, not again, not ever!”
Decision
The root word for decision is incision, which means to cut. So when you decide, really decide, that something will be different in your life, you “cut off” any other possibility. And it’s reflected in your view of and attitude toward life.
Bill Marriott of Marriott Hotels said, “Failure? I’ve never encountered it. I just stumbled over a few temporary setbacks.”
That’s decision in motion.
Focus
Each one of us is bombarded every day with hundreds of things trying to get our attention. Focus is an emotional state that pulls together commitment desire, disgust and decision.
When I see people struggling with where they want to go, one of the first places I look is their power of focus. We tend to be pulled toward that which we focus on. Lack of focus usually equals lack of success and achievement.
Focus on all the distractions pulling for your attention, and you’re not likely to get where you want to go. Focus on where you want to go and you are likely to get there.
Commitment, desire, disgust, decision and focus.
Don’t just experience these emotional states, apply them to create the life you desire.
Visit SecretsofGreatRelationships.com for tips and tools for creating and growing a great relationship. You can also subscribe to our f*r*e*e 10 day e-program on how to enrich your relationship today, from relationship coach and expert Jeff Herring.
April 2, 2008 at 1:14 am · Filed under Self Improvement Center
Most of us can think of people in our lives, with more experience than ourselves who have supplied information, offered advice, presented a challenge, initiated friendship, or simply expressed an interest in our development as a person. If we think long enough most of us must admit we have had mentors even though we may not have called it ‘mentoring’ at the time. Very often our first mentor was our parents or other relative who taught and demonstrated for us some essential knowledge or understanding that we needed.
The term “mentor” has its origin in Homer’s Odyssey when a man named Mentor was entrusted with the education of the son of Odysseus. In modern times, mentoring is associated with a variety of activities including teaching, counseling, sponsoring, role modeling, job shadowing, academic and career guidance, and networking. Mentors can be helpful in just about any areas of your personal development. However, this is especially true when it comes to achieving your goals whether they are personal or in any area to which you are new and inexperienced.
In today’s environment of changing technology and evolving complexity, a good mentor can help us by growing our abilities to grasp the success and security we seek. Success comes from persistence. Persistence often comes from the support and encouragement of a mentor.
A mentor is also important in those times when our thoughts are not crystal clear and we can be diverted from our goals. A mentor will coach us to greater awareness. The mentor will help us achieve increased clarity of purpose and help us focus on the tasks we need to accomplish. A mentor will help us develop personal strengths and achieve a sense of well being which often translates success.
The purpose of mentoring is also to help you pay attention to your intentions and get to where you want to be. Learning what we don’t know helps us to understand why we do what we do. As we become more self aware, we can begin to consciously choose to do the tasks that lead to the success we desire.
As effective mentor seeks to help you answer fundamental questions, like “Who am I?” and “What is my purpose in life?” The answers to these questions help us become action-oriented instead of waiting for something to happen to us.
In a nutshell, a mentor is important for the following reasons:
Motivation - Knowledge - Opportunity to work with a professional - Trusted advice and counsel - To be challenged in a safe environment - Practical know-how - Guidance - Sponsorship - Support - Personal Development in a non-threatening environment - Empowerment - Encouragement - Self-confidence - To help you stay aware of what you need to do and how you do it.
Do you need a mentor? If not, it is probably time for you to be a Mentor.
Matt Bacak, Entrepreneur Magazine e-Biz radio show host became a “#1 Best Selling Author” in just a few short hours and the co-author of an amazing new ebook that will teach you how to Retire From Your Job This Year and Still Make More Money Than the Average Medical Doctor… You Can Do It
Once You Know the Proven Steps Outlined here! ==> http://www.internetmillionairemind.com
